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Monday, August 13, 2007
Pain.....Who's The Killer?
Salam. It's good to update and it's 'too good' to be updated.
For the past 2 days, I've been 'roomized' for something that i didn't expect it to came to my ears right after I finished my final exam. Heard the 'too good to be true' news, my heart throbbed very fast, and I could feel some kind of thin but hard steel, slowly but effective, ripping my heart. It feels like someone stabbed me at the back, painfully, until I hardly walk well, sleep well and I really fell into the well....:)
What's the pain is all about? It's about someone who filled my heart, but for some circumstances, we have to break apart. That was 2 years ago, but still, my heart seems so fragile. I became so jealous about almost everything that happened n happens to her. I felt so stupid to let someone like her go. The thing is, we both suffered after the 'broken pieces'.
Now, the news came to me was that she's going to be married in 2 weeks time. I know that it's a lame excuse to feel jealous or feel stupid or feel something stabbing me, after all I did in the past, and after 2 years of holding in agony, but the feelings are true. I am sure that I have leave the past path with a complete seal, sealed upon my heart, with chocolate toppings, banana split and vanilla ice cream with colors of rainbow! hahaha...But why I should feel the same pain now?
Having another 2 or three injuring news, made me DEMAM!
I want to cry, even though Sami Yusof and Outlandish sang ' Try not to cry', but i think crying is the best remedy for me, who doesn't have friends, who doesn't have someone readily enough to be hearing me uttering my burden that I've been carrying since 13-15 years ago. I want to cry, I put on the best nasyids around, but I can't shed my tears! I tried hardly enough to at least make my tears drops, but it came to no good. Huh...
The 'sebak' (what is sebak in English?) feeling really made my chest and my head in pain. My head spinning. Luckily, I was able to cough out some of the pain. Still, my night that night was a nightmare! hahaha...
I took the painkiller, it's not a bad to your health, not the one with drugs and all, but the killer of the pain really put me in remedy. I consult some of my hologhrapic friends, even though it doesn't really solve the problems, but still, it sooth my heart.
Feeling the same pain when you're not needed by anyone. Not needed by everyone even someone that you hoped very much to need you. The feelings, the same feelings, always come in my dream, always make my night (like 'always make my day' phrase), keeping me almost awake everynight, since the past 3-4 months for now. Oh...
Everytime I look into the past, my tears can easily flow upon my cheeks. Everytime I look into myself, I knew that I'm wronged, I knew that I was very-very stupid, stupid enough to fool myself for more then ten years.
Hm...Who's the killer? Ask Dr Jekyll...He may come out with an answer. Hehehe...
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